on SAYING GOODBYE

As we grow older, one of the most confronting things is to watch our parents age and be reminded that one day we will lose them. How do we learn to say goodbye and move forward?

Everything happened in a whirlwind. I lost my father (who raised me singlehandedly) to COVID without even having a chance to say goodbye.
Grief is not something that goes away. There is no need to prepare for it, because it’s not something that you can be ready for anyways. The truth is, for me it became more profound. It’s mourning the loss of new shared moments, and wishing he could be here for each new milestone.

One moment that was profound to me was at the cremation. As I watched him being slowly moved away (from my world… from this world), I couldn’t help but shout out after him ‘THANK YOU PAPA!’ even amidst my streaming tears. I was shocked by myself too - because I realised in that moment, that the strongest emotion that I was experiencing was not grief or sadness, but GRATITUDE.

The gratitude of having a father like him.
The gratitude of what I have shared with him.
The gratitude knowing that he has always been proud of and happy because of me, no matter what I did or didn’t do.
The gratitude knowing that what he gave me and what we shared together (even though he left me at 52, before I had a chance to give back to him) was ENOUGH - enough to overflow into the rest of my life.
What we had was so beautiful.
It was ENOUGH.

~ Wingman, 30

Reflection: If you are grieving for a loved one, is there some memory you share that fills you with gratitude - so much that you feel their love with you as it gives you power to journey on?

當我們逐漸變老，其中最讓人難以面對的事之一是看著我們的父母變老，並提醒自己有一天我們將失去他們。如何向我們所愛的人道別，並迎接我們生命的下一個階段呢？

一切都在瞬間發生。我單親爸爸在沒有機會說再見的情況下因COVID去世了。
老實說，悲傷不會消失。沒有必要為它做準備，因為你無論如何都無法準備好。對我來說，真相是它變得更加深刻。這是對失去新共享時刻的哀悼，希望他能在每一個新的里程碑和共享的記憶中都在這裡。

有一個特定的時刻將永遠刻在我的心中，那是在火化服務中。當我看著他慢慢地遠離我的世界……離開這個世界時，我情不自禁地大聲喊出「謝謝你，爸爸！」即使眼淚直流。我對自己也感到震驚，因為我在那一刻意識到我正在經歷的最強烈的情感不是悲傷或哀傷，而是感激。

感謝有這樣的父親。
感謝我和他共享的一切。
感謝知道他一直為我感到驕傲和快樂，無論我做了什麼或沒做什麼。
感謝知道他給我的和我們一起分享的一切（即使我在52歲時失去了他，我幾乎沒有機會報答他的愛）已經足夠——足以流入我的餘生。
我們所擁有的是如此美麗。

這已經足夠了。

~ Wingman, 30

想一想：我們是否在為某人悲傷？是否有一些你們共享的記憶讓你充滿感激—如此之多，以至於你感受到他們的愛隨著你一起前行？